Lady Gaga Talks “Total Psychotic Break,” Becoming Pregnant After Being Raped At 19

The singer and actor opened up during a recent interview about being raped by a music producer when she was 19 and the PTSD she later experienced.

Lady Gaga attends the 2019 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Radhika Jones at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on February 24, 2019 in Beverly Hills, California | Getty Images
Lady Gaga attends the 2019 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Radhika Jones at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on February 24, 2019 in Beverly Hills, California | Getty Images

Lady Gaga opened up about being raped by a music producer in a recent interview, revealing she became pregnant and experienced a “psychotic break” more than a decade later.

During an interview for Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry’s newly-released Apple TV+ series “The Me You Can’t See” the 35-year-old singer and actor spoke about being raped by an unnamed music producer when she was 19. Gaga, whose name is Stefani Germanotta, said the abuse resulted in her wanting to self-harm and experience suicidal ideation.

“I was 19 years old, and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, ‘Take your clothes off,’” Gaga said. “And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all my music. And they didn't stop. They didn't stop asking me, and then I just froze and I just, I don't even remember.”

Gaga started to become emotional as she recalled the traumatic experience and said she refuses to name the producer who assaulted her.

“I will not say his name,” Gaga continued. “I understand this Me Too movement, I understand that some people feel really comfortable with this and I do not. I do not ever want to face that person again.”

Gaga has previously publicly spoken about being sexually assaulted and said she was diagnosed with PTSD in 2016 after living with chronic pain.

“First I felt full-on pain, then I went numb,” Gaga continued, according to multiple outlets. “I realized it was the same pain I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on the corner at my parents’ house because I was vomiting and sick. Because I was being abused. I was locked away in a studio for months.”

She continued: “I've had so many MRIs and scans. They don't find nothing, but your body remembers.”

Gaga’s chronic pain was documented in her 2017 Netflix documentary, “Five Foot Two.” She was forced to cancel some of her shows as part of the Joanne World Tour because of the condition. In the documentary, she says she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a chronic illness with symptoms including widespread body pain, fatigue, and mood swings. The illness can be inherited from family, or caused by physical abuse or PTSD, according to the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention.

In her “The Me You Can’t See” interview, Gaga said that she experienced “a total psychotic break” in 2018, adding, “For a couple years, I was not the same girl.”

“Even if I have six brilliant months, all it takes is getting triggered once to feel bad. And when I say I feel bad, I mean I want to cut. Think about dying. Wondering if I’m ever going to do it. I learned all the ways to pull myself out of it,” she said.

Gaga continued: “It's a really very real thing to feel like there's a black cloud following you wherever you go, telling you that you're worthless and should die. And I used to scream and throw myself against the wall.”

Gaga now said she encourages people who have the urge to self-harm to “tell somebody, don't show somebody.”

“I don’t tell this story for my own self-service, cause to be honest it’s hard to tell,” Gaga continued. “I feel a lot of shame about it. How do I explain to people that I have privilege, I've got money, I've got power and I'm miserable? Like, how do you do that?”

The pop star also said she isn’t asking for anyone to “cry for” her, but instead asking others to “open your heart up for somebody else.”

“I’m telling you, I’ve been through it and people need help,” Gaga continued. “That’s part of my healing. Is being able to talk to you.”

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual abuse, you can find support from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network here. If you have experienced thoughts of suicide, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

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