Trump's America

Who Is Stephanie Grisham? Narrated By Comedian Andy Haynes

As Trump’s newest press secretary who (as of today) has more DUIs than press conferences under her belt, Grisham made a career out of filing false expense claims, intimidating members of the press, and dodging a glaring trifecta of plagiarism accusations.

Stephanie Grisham is the president’s new press secretary who has more DUIs under her belt than she does press conferences. 

Raised in an Unknown Location


There is some confusion in the press about where Grisham was born. The New York Times says she was born in Arizona, while The Washington Post reports Colorado. So she either lied to one, or both of these outlets, or the blundering “fake news media” got it wrong. Either way, she was born.

Spokesperson-Turned-Liar


The early days of Grisham’s career were spent in Arizona. Grisham was the spokesperson for AAA, the roadside assistance association that offers, among its services, a “tipsy tow” ride, or a free trip home and vehicle tow for impaired drivers. Unfortunately, Grisham didn’t take advantage of this service in 2013 and was pulled over for driving under the influence. She was pulled over once again in 2015 for another DUI. But she’d soon find other ways to reframe the mundane.

The Plagiarism Begins


Grisham reportedly left AAA after she was accused of filing false claims for travel and other expenses. She went on to work at the ad agency Mindspace, from which she was fired for plagiarizing AAA’s website onto a presentation for one of the ad agency’s clients.

Perfect Fit for Politics


After plagiarising and filing fraudulent claims, Grisham took the obvious next step and joined the world of politics.

Grisham’s political career got off to a rocky start, too. In 2012, she volunteered for Trump critic and failed Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney’s campaign. She would later berate Romney on TV.

“One word comes to mind: Pathetic. I would just remind Mitt Romney that he is not president. He lost.”

In 2013, Grisham took a job as the spokesperson for Arizona’s Attorney General Tom Horne, a guy who proposed legislation that would arm teachers in Arizona, and also threatened to sue a city in the state for recognizing same-sex marriage. Grisham, who ostensibly condones this stuff, also witnessed the badly botched execution of an incarcerated person while working for Horne. 

Joseph Wood, the incarcerated person, was given a lethal injection, which was supposed to kill him. He died two hours later. According to an AZCentral reporter who witnessed the execution, Wood gasped for air more than 600 times in the span of two hours. An Associated Press reporter, who also witnessed the death, backed up this claim. According to Esquire, “It took Wood so long to die that his lawyers were still filing appeals while he was ‘gasping and snorting’ on the gurney.” However, Grisham claims the two-hour ordeal was totally fine. She disputed the reports and said, “He just laid there. It was quite peaceful.”

Grisham’s actions in her next job seemingly became the golden ticket to Trump’s White House. As the spokesperson for Arizona House Speaker David Gowan, Grisham revoked a reporter’s access just hours after a critical story was published. According to The Washington Post, she also asked members of the press to consent to an invasive background check into reporters’ addresses, driving records, and criminal and civil histories. The Post notes, “Journalists could decline, but if they did, they would be banned from the state’s House floor, which was the only place to reliably buttonhole lawmakers.”

Joining the Trumps


So of course, in 2015 Grisham was tapped to work as a press aide for Donald Trump. Grisham took an unpaid leave from the Arizona House, but she still cashed in on behalf of taxpayers.

After Trump won the election, Grisham was supposed to return to her full-time job as spokesperson for the Arizona House of Representatives, but she didn’t. She did, however, still get paid. According to the AZ Capitol Times, “Arizona taxpayers paid Grisham roughly $19,000 over an eight-week period, although she rarely set foot in the state, never showed up for work at the House, and did little to nothing to earn the money, records show.” She reportedly spent this time working on Trump’s “thank you” tour prior to the inauguration. 

Grisham finally cut ties with Arizona taxpayers and continued to work for former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer.

The Woman Behind Melania’s Stolen Speech 

Later, Melania Trump plucked Grisham from the West Wing and moved her East. As Melania’s Communications Director, Grisham helped the First Lady with the launch of the “Be Best” campaign, which aims to combat cyber bullying. The official booklet promoting the initiative was criticized for plagiarising an Obama-era booklet, which would be Grisham’s third encounter with accusations of plagiarism, including Melania’s Republican National Convention speech. 

In June, President Trump relocated Grisham from the East wing to the West. She continues to work on behalf of Melania in the same role, but seemingly because the President needs more possibly plagiarized spin, Grisham was named White House Press Secretary and his communications director.

A full three years after working in the White House, Grisham claimed Obama staffers left notes of discouragement on their way out.

“When we came into the White House, I’ll tell you something, every office was filled with Obama books and we had notes left behind that said, ‘you will fail,’ ‘you aren’t going to make it,’ in the press office there was a big note taped to the door that said ‘you will fail.’”

However, the Obama staffers, who Grisham claimed left harsh notes of discouragement, actually had the receipts. One letter was directly written to the new press secretary to the first lady, which is Stephanie Grisham. It read, in part, “Welcome to the small family of White House Staffers, past and present. The bond we all share transcends politics. I want you to know that I am always available if you have questions, just as Mrs. Bush’s staff was for us. No question is too big or too small.”

After a slew of Obama staffers showed their notes of encouragement, Grisham walked back her claims. “I certainly wasn’t implying every office had that issue,” she said.

Up to the date this article was published, Grisham has yet to address the American people from the White House Press Room. She has frequently addressed Fox News viewers since taking the post, though.

Who knows if Grisham will ever hold a press conference. And when she does, it’s unclear how much of it will probably be plagiarized. But until then, she’ll continue to cash taxpayer-funded checks doing the easiest job in Washington: nothing.